Be Good To Women Day

Men and Women must help each other fulfill God's Vision for their lives.

Chances are you’ve never heard of “Be Good to Women Day.” It’s not one of those days that is pre-printed on calendars. On the popularity scale the day ranks even lower than “Secretary’s Day” or “Grandparents Day.” But if Brad Sanders and a growing number of “Be Good to Women Day” participants have their way that will change.

Brad Sanders is a syndicated radio personality, actor and comedian who lives in Los Angeles. He’s the voice behind “On the Phone with Tirone” and he’s spent years listening and talking to women who call in with problems. Six years ago when Brad Sanders created “Be Good to Women Day” he was thinking of his mother, his wife, his daughter, his sister and his close women friends, all those who helped him become the man that he is. And he was hearing the voices of all those women he’s counseled and advised over the years. “Be Good to Women Day” is best understood juxtaposed against the disrespect women suffer in the lyrics of music and videos, the physical and emotional violence inflicted against them by husbands and boyfriends, the white collar crimes of unequal pay for equal work, the messages young girls receive about their worth. Why not set aside a day to begin to change that thinking?

But there is a danger in such propositions—even one with good intentions. Consider Valentine’s Day, with its cloying sentimentality and scripted giving. Buy your loved one things—chocolate, diamonds, lingerie—because you’re supposed to show your love this way (and spend a lot of money doing it). I approached “Be Good to Women Day” with a healthy dose of curiosity and caution.

That was last year. This year I knew what to expect when I attended the “Be Good to Women Day” prayer vigil. Inside Bryant Temple AME on a Tuesday evening in March, the pews are packed with men and women from all over the city. Some are church members. Some are not. Some are recovering addicts. Some are professionals. They are young and old and in between. Brad Sanders is standing in front of the alter explaining the purpose of the day:

“In our society and in societies all over this world women are subjected to a certain level of inferiority. Women are mistreated and used. I have pages of statistics…but what we must understand is these statistics are not the problem; they are the symptoms of the problem. That problem is in how we think of women. See, you don’t believe what you see, you see what you believe. So if you see somebody as being inferior that’s the way you think of them and that’s the way you behave toward them. And nobody knows that better than black men…and yet we turn around sometimes and perpetrate that same lack of understanding on our women. The purpose of this event is to influence a change of heart and a change of mind.”

Applause and affirmations—amen! preach it! say that!—rise from the gathering. But as it turns out the whole evening is one hearty amen to women, to healthy relationships, to realizing the way men and women can bring out the best in each other. The Rev. Cassandra Thomas-Wright took listeners back to the beginning and into the heart of God.

“God when he created humankind he had equality on his mind…It’s an interesting thing in this creation narrative, if you go back and read one through three in Genesis you’ll see God kept saying he created this and it was good. He created this and it was good. The only time when he said it was not good was when man was alone. He knew man couldn’t do what he needed to do without the help of a woman!”

The Rev. Kamal Hassan reminded the gathering that things don’t have to be the way they are, change is possible when the community takes action: “There are some things God expects us to do in helping men come out of the places where they have been buried! Some things we need to do! Some stones we need to roll away, so when Jesus calls he can get up and come out!

What are the stones that need to be rolled away? The stones of physical absence, emotional absence, domination, violence, control. The community, Hassan said, must roll away the stones.

The evening ends the way it begins: in prayer. The men form a huge circle around the perimeter of the sanctuary; the women are seated inside the circle. And then prayer rises from the men. They begin to pray: for forgiveness, for understanding, for healing for those who never knew their fathers, for peace, for deliverance, for redemption for men who have been the abuser, for hope. The men are praying for the women and children, for themselves, for right relationships. It’s simple, yet powerful, authentic and real—real enough to melt all caution and doubt. One can’t help but emerge from the center of the circle, feeling a part of something important and necessary, feeling valued.

Chances are you’ve never heard of “Be Good to Women Day.” It’s not marked pre-printed on your calendar. But it should be.

Jocelyn Stewart

“This needs to go from a day to being a movement. We need to have a Be Good to Women Movement.”

—Rev. Kamal Hassan

“See, it’s not about what you wear or how you wear your hair, or how much money you’ve got or what kind of man you’re rolling with. Your intrinsic worth is that you are created in the image and likeness of almighty God.”

—Rev. Cassandra Thomas-Wright

“In my church most of the men have been really messed up by John Wayne and the Marlboro Man…the strong silent type. If you can’t claim your tender self, if you can’t claim your vulnerable self, you can’t claim your real self, you can’t claim your whole self….to be a whole human being you have to claim all of your emotions.”

—Rev. Kamal Hassan

“In your own mind know that you’re a queen. In your own mind know that you have intrinsic worth and value.”

—Rev. Cassandra Thomas-Wright